Himawari: Christmas of Doom
by Ziltoid
Summary: Himawari demands a variety of things from Santa Claus. Meanwhile, Naruto is a bit sloppy. The results bring an unexpected chaos to Konoha, snow to Suna, and suffering to Orochimaru. Oneshot


**Disclaimer** : I do not own Naruto or any of its characters. The sole exception is the mention of Terasu, an OC who also appeared in The Honoured Guest, another story of mine. Apart from one snake, no animals were harmed during this oneshot.

* * *

 **Himawari: Christmas of Doom**

* * *

' _Let's see… Pencils? Check. Clean and clear table? For as long as it would last, check. Chair? Check. Including a few pillows so that she is seated high enough to sit at the table.'_ Hinata inspected the table again, and couldn't escape the feeling that she was forgetting something.

"Paper, Mommy, paper," little Himawari pulled at her mother's long wool skirt. Wool, because it was quite cold, even for the time of year. Although, both children had complained (loudly and persistently) that there hadn't been any snow yet. Last year's snowball fight had made quite an impression on her two children, it seemed.

Considering how her husband had tried to goad Suiton users into producing snow, he too wanted a rematch. While he wasn't the Hokage yet, as it was still a matter time until Kakashi stepped down, Naruto had quite some influence in the shinobi world. After all, he was the symbol of the great alliance, the symbol of their victory over Akatsuki and the Juubi. If the other nations heard that the 'great hero' had lost a snowball fight to a three year old and a seven year old, they would probably start to fear what the next generation of Konoha might become.

"Yes sweetie, I'll find some," Hinata smiled as her daughter hopped around her. While Naruto had taken Boruto to meet some other children of their son's age, Hinata had taken their daughter out for a walk. The moment they returned home the now four year old Himawari had insisted that she needed to make her drawings.

Himawari took the story of Santa Claus very seriously.

Just a mere letter would not suffice, to the girl. No, every member of their family, as well as those who were close enough for the girl that she considered them to be family, deserved their own drawing, which had to be attached to her letter to Santa. It was quite a fuss.

Boruto had been much easier, only sending Santa a list of the presents he wanted, but Hinata found the situation quite enjoyable- enjoyable enough to comply with the wishes of her obsessed daughter.

' _I just hope that the choice for Gai-sensei as this year's Santa won't destroy Himawari's dreams. I'm certain that Kakashi-sensei only appointed him as an act of immature vengeance, but still… Santa Claus isn't supposed to shout things about 'youth',_ ' Hinata worried. The worry was only increased by the fact that Maito Gai took the whole thing as a challenge and to 'prove a green beast is a better Santa Claus than Kakashi was, or else I'll run two thousand laps around Konoha on my hands,' as he had put it in his usual eloquent fashion.

She sighed, walking past Naruto's office. He had recently received some notes from an old acquaintance of Jiraiya, a man named Terasu, and while she needed paper, her husband's chaotic desk was something she would rather avoid. She didn't want to risk Himawari getting exposed to something that would undoubtedly be perverted. After all, if Terasu was an old friend of Jiraiya, a man who had been the self-proclaimed greatest pervert of his age, then she feared the worst from this Terasu.

' _I hope Naruto-kun doesn't invent new red-headed versions of the Oiroke no Jutsu again. Father wasn't pleased, the last time Naruto-kun pulled that stunt…'_ Hinata still felt her cheeks heat up from that embarrassment. Worse, even, was the sudden interest which Hanabi had shown in the reversed version of that jutsu.

Hyuga Hiashi had nearly choked to death, being unfortunate enough to just have eaten a handful of salted peanuts when Hanabi happily stated her wish to learn that jutsu… that had not gone according to keikaku.

Had Hinata not been distracted by those embarrassing memories, she might have noticed that Naruto had failed to lock his office properly before he had gone out with Boruto. Had she not been in such a hurry, she might have noticed the little blob of wool that had stealthily followed her upstairs. The little girl, who was now curiously peeking into her daddy's office, beamed when she saw a piece of paper that wasn't sorted with any of the other stacks and files.

Unfortunately, Uzumaki Hinata was too concerned about the shenanigans of grown men, to notice the unintentional mischief of one four-year-old.

* * *

Play Santa? Play Santa?

Yes, there were many who considered this to be a normal occurrence. There were also those who saw it as a horrible insult. True believers, such as Uzumaki Himawari, would never consider such a heretical thing. Sadly, fewer and fewer remained true to the faith. At this point there was nary a grownup left who still kept the faith in their hearts…

Was this depressing?

No, not to him. Sure, his little helpers were a bit less pleased that there were those impersonating him, but after so many years they simply saw it as if they aided him in spreading happiness. Still, it remained curious how people, who saw the spectacular skills of the shinobi as something normal, could not imagine that the legend of Santa Claus was real. Perhaps the genjutsu he used to cover his tracks was a bit too effective? Who could say… only the true believers could perceive him, and interact with him or his elves if he so wished. Only the true believers could reach out to him, their letters entering his humongous mailbox without intervention from ninja mail carriers.

There were letters from every corner of the world, written in a plethora of languages of which even he could barely read ten percent- good thing he had skilled translators amongst his elves. Each year there was the same rhythm. Checking out the latest fashions in each region, keeping tabs on those who did and those who didn't deserve what they wished for, gathering the raw materials, overseeing the production process, and eventually the distribution.

To any normal human, or even any shinobi, it would be an impossible task. Well, there was that jinchuriki boy who could spawn just about clones of himself necessary to execute the task, but even he would be faced with a nigh impossible challenge when considering the distances one needed to travel to reach each and every child, without Hiraishin.

Then again, that boy had never been a normal boy. After all, that boy had ultimately been a product of that little girl Kaguya, containing a part of the chakra she had stolen, and Santa didn't want to mess around with the reincarnates of the half-breed legacy of one of his old race. Had he been any less gentle and kind, he'd have interfered with the mess which those kids had created, but ultimately… Santa was only here to bring a smile to the children- no more, no less. His time of involving himself in the violent affairs of those mortals had long passed. In an era long before the first shinobi he had made several attempts to quell the wars, and every attempt had only made things worse for the humans on the long run.

Ultimately, it had been for the best that he had remained an observer. That lonely jinchuriki boy had caused the era of chaos to end, after all. Now there was a world of peace, where even the children of shinobi could act (and believe) as normal children: it was a blessing to someone like Santa. The elves were less optimistic, as they had calculated a twenty percent increase in production for the upcoming years.

Santa leaned back and read the reports. This year's Christmas was drawing near, and the elves had almost finished all the presents. Or at least, the fully-mechanized production and distribution facility had- nowadays the elves served more as operator than craftsmen, really. Facility, you might think? Yes, it wasn't like it was all magic.

Sure, he had forsworn his Otsutsuki heritage, having grown tired of their greed and arrogance, but it didn't stop him from creating a variety of tools which aided him and his elves in their seemingly impossible (yet somehow possible) work. Some even called it magic, which was obviously wrong- unless one considered shinobi to be mages as well, of course. They had learned their ninjutsu tricks from that Kaguya girl's half-breed son, after all. Not that those tricks weren't useful- their fuinjutsu had made his job quite a bit easier, as he could now transport all the presents in a single bag.

Seeing the similarities between themselves and the shinobi, the elves had, with their particular sense of humor, long ago changed the name of their home to 'Omochagakure no Sato'.

It was fitting, Santa had to admit, as their village was one of the few that truly remained hidden- even if it wasn't literally 'under the toys', as the name implied. On rare occasions, people would be invited into Omochagakure, such as those rare times when Santa found himself a Mrs. Claus- the latter had only happened four times since the founding of Christmas. It was painful to be the only one of his kind, and it was saddening that the humans all had such short lifespans.

' _It was a pity that Fuuka-chan had no interest in staying,_ ' Santa pondered. That foxy woman certainly had cheered up his life for a while, to the point where he actually considered asking her to become Mrs. Claus. Unfortunately, she had held more interest in using her kisses to drain him of his chakra. While it was somewhat kinky, even Santa's generosity knew its limits.

While Omochagakure was hidden perfectly, the main distribution center was still quite a sight to behold. Why didn't people see it, you might ask? Well, there weren't too many who ventured this far north, even further up north than Yuki no Kuni, as not even hardened shinobi were able to able to cross the surrounding frozen wastes. So even if Omochagakure was clear to be seen from a great distance, as it was at least comparable to Konohagakure in size, it still remained hidden.

They needed their base of operations to be at least this huge. In fact, the peace which the largest of the hidden villages had established (and thus the increase of children who remained innocent and faithful for a longer time) had forced the elves in charge of storage to build several new warehouses in which they'd store the presents they produced during the year.

Still, while the size of the village brought no problems with regard to how well hidden it was, it did make things more difficult. No matter how good the new real-time Warehouse Management System was, each year brought its own complexities, which brought the sorts of splitting headaches couldn't be cured, not even by hot chocolate. Not that it deterred him from drinking his chocolate, though. Alas, drinking only made the headaches worse, as several of the elves were starting to whine that he should watch his weight- and hot chocolate without cream was not real hot chocolate, in Santa's opinion.

Having seen enough of the day's official reports, trusting his elves to do their duty even if he didn't check every little detail, Santa decided to take a walk. One of the spry elves noted that taking a walk would be good for his 'round belly' as well. It was as if the little rascals still hadn't figured out that his size or weight mattered little.

His sleigh could practically stop time, enabling him to travel to whatever destination they had in mind in what was effectively an instant. Of course, Santa had other ways to instantly travel greater distances- a trick which one particularly observant Senju boy had eventually replicated. Santa still blamed himself for walking so easily into an obvious trap, but those cookies had simply smelled too good to ignore. Anyway, that Christmas had been an interesting one. But the important thing was that the sleigh had seats which adjusted to its user. In addition, there were his loyal reindeer-summons who, generation after generation, always helped get around swiftly though the nightly skies. Santa did consider summoning one extra deer this year, though, to distribute his weight a bit more.

They had been a bit cranky last year, and he knew he had gained a few pounds since…

Absentmindedly humming on of his favorite songs (hmm hmm hm-hmmmmm hmm hmm hmmmmm), Santa eventually found himself waddling towards the mail department. They were working overtime, registering all the wishes of every child who had sent them a list. Usually those wishes corresponded fairly well with the estimated production numbers which they had calculated earlier in the year, thus enabling them to have plenty of gifts in stock when the busy days approached, but occasionally they were forced to create last-minute items, as some presents were in greater demand than anticipated, or were stumped by requests like 'Genkuro's abs'.

As you can imagine, the mail-processing elves had quite an important responsibility in these days. Although, if Santa was completely honest, he simply wanted to read the letters which the children sent him, rather than coming in to aid his elves- he knew it was a bit selfish, but reading these letters had always been one of his favorite parts of his 'job'.

One particularly thick envelope, pink and adorned with a drawing which seemed to resemble a panda with his clothes, drew his attention. Picking it from the pile of yet-to-be-read letters, he took his seat and opened the envelope.

"Ho ho ho! Oh my, such a creative little girl," Santa laughed. "So many drawings. And a letter too. And what is this strange drawing on the back? Hmm… it almost resembles a-"

A flash of chakra distracted the elves gathered in the room for a moment, before they returned to their tasks. It wasn't the first time Santa did something odd, and it would most certainly not be the last time either. He probably just sneezed, they thought.

* * *

At long last, Christmas Eve had come. Naruto was mumbling about his search for a lost page of something- he hadn't told Hinata any details, but she was too busy with the preparation for dinner anyway. It was not that he left it all up to her, mind you. No, his Kage Bunshin no Jutsu remained a marvelous jutsu. This wasn't the first time, and would most certainly not be the last time either, that Hinata wished that she could use that jutsu as effectively as he did.

"Why aren't they here?" Himawari looked up at her mother, pointing at the decorated tree.

"Santa is going to deliver them tonight," Naruto said excitedly, "we can open our presents tomorrow morning!"

"Really?"

"Really!" father and daughter both beamed at the idea.

"Why don't you come down?" Hinata looked at the clone of her husband. "Dinner is nearly ready. And where is Boruto? He's not…"

"Neh, I told him to be a good boy or Santa would give him coal instead of presents," Naruto chuckled. "He didn't want to be listed by Santa as naughty."

"Well, you better fetch him, or I'll list you both as naughty," Hinata shook her head.

"Oh, I don't mind getting on your naughty list," Naruto smirked mischievously.

Looking from one parent to the other, Himawari eventually gave up. "Mommy, why does Daddy want to be on your naughty list?" she asked innocently.

"Nothing, sweetie, Daddy was just joking," Hinata chose not to look into her daughter's eyes, lest she'd feel even more awkward than she already did. Naruto chose to fetch their son, so he wasn't much help either. "Can you get the drink coasters, Hima-chan?" she thanked the heavens that her daughter was so easily distracted.

' _I'm going to make Naruto-kun pay tonight,_ ' she thought while trying (and failing) to focus on the roulade in front of her. She was glad that her daughter was already snooping in the scullery, and didn't notice her blush. Hinata didn't doubt that that her skimpy Christmas dress would draw her husband's attention…

* * *

"Mommy, when will Daddy be home?"

"I don't know, Sarada-chan. You know he's off on an important mission," Sakura tried to smile happily- not wanting to ruin the mood in the early morning hours of Christmas Day.

"But Daddy will miss Christmas," Sarada pouted.

"Once his mission is finished, he'll be back," Sakura wondered why there were so many Anbu rushing about. Mother and daughter arrived at the Uzumaki residence, where they had been invited, as Naruto had claimed that they were practically family to him. Sakura knew well enough that he did it because he felt guilty due to Sasuke barely ever being in Konoha, though. At their arrival, Sakura was surprised to see a particularly livid Hyuga Hiashi.

"I'm terribly sorry," Naruto scratched the back of his head- obviously being very embarrassed about something. "I never knew he slipped out of our home last night. If it turns out he's responsible for this, I'll make sure he gets an appropriate punishment."

"And you want me to believe that you had nothing to do with this?!" Hiashi grunted.

"Well… I do hate to repeat my own pranks. I might have painted your compound pink once, but I wouldn't do it twice. That would be silly," the jinchuriki laughed awkwardly.

' _Surely he hasn't been pranking people on Christmas Eve, has he?'_ Sakura cringed when she overheard the conversation.

"I suppose I will need to have a good conversation with my grandson tomorrow."

"Yeah, sure," Naruto shrugged. "If he did it, he should face the consequences too. We'll be at you place at eleven, 'kay?"

"That was what I agreed with my daughter," Hiashi turned around and walked away with firm steps. Seeing the scowl, Sarada pressed herself against Sakura's legs.

"What was that about?" Sakura wondered, after greeting with her old teammate.

"Erm, apparently someone painted the entire Hyuga compound last night," Naruto sighed. "Hiashi thought that it was me and Boruto again, but I didn't do it."

"You really have a bad influence on your son, don't you?" Sakura chuckled. "Can we get in? We're freezing out here."

"Sure!" Naruto slapped himself, as admonishment for his own rudeness of not inviting them in right away. "Hinata-chan was already busy making hot chocolate for the kids-"

"And you," Sakura interrupted.

"-and me," Naruto admitted sheepishly. "Come on, who doesn't like hot chocolate with some whipped cream on top?!" he defended his childish tastes. "And Santa brought quite a few presents last night," he winked at Sarada. "Yours is particularly big. It didn't even fit under our tree!"

* * *

A loud choking sound followed by some particularly loud swearing woke her up. Just in time, as her door blasted open only seconds after.

"You did this?!" Tsunade demanded, shoving a sake bottle under her nose.

"N-no?" Shizune wondered what had gotten into the woman. "What is wrong, Tsunade-sama?"

"You know damn well what's wrong!"

"The bottle isn't empty yet," the younger woman frowned, as the only possible problem which Tsunade could have with sake bottle was that they were empty at some point.

"They're all filled with fruit juice," Tsunade snapped. "You didn't do this?!"

"Eh… no?" Shizune yawned. "Why would I do that?"

"That brat!" Tsunade swung the former sake bottle (now fruit juice bottle) against the wall, waking the until-that-point fast-asleep Tonton junior.

Both women froze when it wasn't just a single loud oink, but that there were more, and softer, oinks to be heard. Rubbing the sleep out of her eyes, looking at the grown-up daughter of her old piglet Tonton. She rubbed her eyes again, confounded by what she saw, and pinched herself to check if she wasn't still sleeping.

"T-Tsunade-sama? Are you seeing… what I'm seeing?"

"That wasn't fruit juice, was it?" Tsunade wondered if she was drunk or not. "No, if you're seeing what I'm seeing, then it must mean-"

Tonton jr. suddenly screeched out loudly, startled by the discovery of the piglets that were demanding her to feed them. By the looks of it the pig was as confused as the two women were. Understandable, considering that the pig had not been pregnant…

* * *

Meanwhile, Naruto was starting to develop a headache. "No, I didn't do that, nor can I imagine that Boruto pulled such an elaborate stunt," he sighed. "Considering you have the Rikudo Sennin's stuff on display, you protect your shop with too many seals and traps for someone with his level of skill to be able to get in unnoticed, right?"

"…Yes," Tenten admitted slowly and reluctantly.

"And I was home last night, you can ask Hinata-chan if you don't trust me," Naruto shrugged. "And no, I did not have any clones running wild either."

Considering that Hinata had decided to play 'Mrs. Santa' with him, he didn't want to waste any time with fooling around with clones either. He blushed a little, which made Tenten look at him with more than a little suspicion, thinking he was lying to her.

"I'm serious," Naruto blurted out. "I didn't go out of my house last night."

"Very well. But if I find out the person who did this," Tenten clenched her teeth, her thunderous scowl a promise of pain and suffering to those who were guilty.

"You asked Lee and Gai-sensei?" Naruto tried. "Knowing their… umh, _unusual_ sense of humor…"

"I highly doubt they would be responsible for replacing all my kunai with candy canes, or replacing every last shuriken with Christmas cookies," Tenten glared at the uncomfortable jinchuriki. "There are only two people in our village with such a kind of twisted idea of 'fun'."

"We didn't do it," Naruto repeated. Luckily, Tenten believed him, and walked off. "Merry Christmas, by the way," he called after her.

Shaking his head, he went back inside, where most of his family was already sitting at the dining table, with added chairs for Sakura and Sarada.

"Who was that?" Hinata wondered.

"Someone pulled a stunt on Tenten," Naruto sighed. "Someone must've had a crazy night, considering how your dad was here a bit earlier too, blaming Boruto and me… apparently someone painted the entire Hyuga compound- in pink. And no, I didn't do that again," he muttered, seeing his wife look at him. "Boruto still not down yet?"

"No, he said he'd get down here, but that was half an hour ago," Hinata shook her head. "Can you get him?"

The doorbell went. "I'll get it," Sakura exclaimed. "You two can drag Boruto down here."

"Ah, Sakura, I should've known you would be here today," the person at the door chuckled. "Any chance I can get to speak to Naruto or his son?" Usually Kakashi entered by opening a window, but Naruto… well, let's just say Hatake Kakashi had reasons for knocking at the door like a regular person. The jyuken of an enraged Himawari was not something he wished to experience a second time.

"Kakashi-sensei? What do you want… wait, don't tell me that you've been pranked too?" Sakura pinched the bridge of her nose. "Tenten and Hyuga Hiashi already made complaints; they had been pranked as well," she explained upon seeing the confused expression at her Hokage's face.

"Erm, yes, someone snuck into my office and… stole something important." The awkward way Kakashi said this gave Sakura some suspicions about what was stolen- aside from the fact that there was only a very limited number of things which could get the current Hokage to move.

"Someone stole your Icha Icha books," Sakura concluded, her deadpan expression making Kakashi cringe.

"Don't talk about them as if they're unimportant," he whined. "But I know only two people who'd replace my precious books with stuff about 'Shifty the Ninhea'."

"The ninja-hare?" Sakura frowned. "Himawari-chan is addicted to that show. I know, because Hinata borrowed the books which I read to Sarada-chan when she was younger."

"I highly doubt these were the same books," Kakashi said with a deadpan expression. "Unless you've allowed your daughter to read hardcore yaoi?"

"W-what!?"

"Yes… I suppose you can imagine my surprise," the Hokage said dryly. "Anyway, considering how someone broke into my office and stole nothing apart from my precious books, I could only think of two perpetrators."

"Hyuga Hiashi and Tenten were at the door too, you know," Sakura sighed. "Apparently they have been pranked too. Anyway, Naruto and Boruto were both at home last night, according to what Hinata said. So, for a change, they weren't responsible."

"If you say so," Kakashi said, not without skepticism. He sighed. "I suppose I'll have to keep looking."

"I suppose you do," the pinkette suddenly began to chuckle. "Imagine if Gai-sensei found out…"

Hatake Kakashi had faced many dangers throughout his life, but now he was terrified. "I already feel sick reading one page of yaoi, don't make it worse."

"Perhaps you and Gai-sensei should read together?" Sakura suggested with a voice dripping in mock-innocence. "Perhaps I should tell Gai-sensei?"

"Do that and I'll send you to Ibiki."

"Bye Sensei," Sakura waved, before she chuckled and turned back inside. Just in time to see Naruto coming down the stairs with a struggling Boruto under his arm, and a giggling Hinata following in their wake. Sakura did not know what to say when the saw the eight-year-old.

"Boruto-kun… why are you wearing… _that_?" Sakura struggled to contain giggles of her own. She didn't want to embarrass the already furiously blushing boy more than necessary. Unfortunately for the boy, Sakura quickly lost control and laughed when the boy began to pout. Both Himawari and Sarada were drawn to them when they heard Sakura's loud laughter.

"Just like I asked Santa!" Himawari exclaimed, jumping around her older brother. "Boru-nii is a panda today! Boru-nii is a panda!" she cheered.

"Lemme go," Boruto struggled to break out of his father's grip. "Lemme go you old fart! I don't want to be seen like this!"

"Why not?" Sarada looked curiously. "It is cute, isn't it?"

"AARRGGGH!"

"Behave yourself," Naruto gently bopped his son on the head. "You shouldn't have put that silly costume on if you didn't want this drama."

"But I didn't put this on," Boruto whined. "I was wearing it when I woke up, and I can't get the stupid thing off!"

"Huh, it's really stuck," Hinata confirmed, after trying to 'free' her son. "Oh well, I suppose you'll have to keep wearing this for the time being. Unless you want to skip both your food _and_ your presents?"

In spite of his grumbling and blushing, Boruto eventually decided that the prospect of presents outweighed the embarrassment, and thus he settled down. He found himself cuddled by Himawari and closely watched by a shy Sarada, to make things worse. Hinata quickly took a picture, knowing that she would never ever get the chance to get her son in such a cute panda suit again. The more mischievous part of her mind told her that this would be perfect blackmail material for when Boruto got older.

* * *

"Pff, I'm stuffed," Naruto finally proclaimed. "I can't even eat a bowl of Ichiraku's ramen anymore."

"Finally," Himawari pouted.

"Oh, it seems my little princess is impatient," Naruto said in mock surprise. "And here I thought you so enjoyed an extensive breakfast like this? Especially with the cinnamon buns…"

"Presents," the girl huffed, pointing at the Christmas tree. The other two kids showed more restraint, but the eagerness was still shining in their eyes.

"Okay, let's start with the biggest one," Naruto exclaimed, with a huge smile of his own. Boruto sighed at his father's childish antics, but was ultimately too excited about the presents that were waiting under the tree to complain about it.

"Sara-chan?" Himawari chirped. "Santa gave you a big present," she winked, almost as if she knew what could be in the rather big package.

"Hurry up," the panda- Boruto- sighed. "The sooner you've unwrapped yours, we can move on to the others."

"Be patient," Hinata chided, smiling as Sakura nudged the suddenly-shy Sarada. The young Uchiha wasn't a particularly big fan of being the center of attention. The eight year-old girl was quite self-conscious, not in the least because Sakura could be an itsy-bitsy overprotective with her only daughter.

Tugging at her father's sleeve, Himawari held up her arms. Naruto complied and picked her up, giving her a better view. He idly wondered why she was smiling so eagerly, but brushed it off as it being caused by the presents that awaited her- all those other presents which were forgotten once Sarada pulled off the wrapping of her own present.

"Yay, Santa gave Sara-chan what she wanted!" Himawari giggled loudly, ignoring the stupefied others.

"…"

"This is a joke, right?" Sakura turned to Naruto, unsure of how to hold herself at the moment.

"No?" Naruto blinked. "Do you know… I dunno… is he real?"

"Papa?" Sarada hesitated. He looked very much like the one picture of him which they had at home, even though he was a bit older now. "Is that you, Papa?"

Bound, gagged, and blindfolded, poor Uchiha Sasuke could neither move nor speak.

Shakily, Sakura moved toward her husband, unknotting the restraints which had completely annulled his chakra control. Whatever those ropes were, Naruto knew he had to give them to Ibiki. If these were capable of holding down someone like Sasuke, the T&I department would have a field day. No more struggling or resisting captives, ever.

The matter in front of him drew his attention back to the present, though. "Sasuke, how did you get in here? Why did you wrap yourself up like that?" Naruto refused to believe that anyone, aside from possibly himself, would be able to capture Sasuke like this.

"I was captured," Sasuke said with as much dignity as he could muster- while nearly being choked to death as his wife and daughter hugged him.

"How?"

"Santa, Daddy," Himawari frowned at her father, as if he was stupid not considering that option. "I asked Santa to give Sara-chan her daddy," she clarified, in a tone of voice as if she was explaining something completely logical to an idiot.

"She is actually right, Dobe," the Uchiha gave up his struggle for freedom, and let his wife and daughter have their way. While not overly affectionate himself, he had too much cramping- his cricking and griping limbs were barely able to move after having been stuck in that gift paper for hours. "I was taking a rest when some kind of pale-skinned podge in a sleigh came down from the sky. Before I knew what was happening, he paralyzed me and… well, he brought me here."

"How?"

"I'd like to know that as well," Sasuke griped. "I was in Kaguya's realm, after all." He turned his eyes at Himawari, who was slightly unnerved by the staring sharingan and rinnegan and moved closer in her father's embrace. "All I remember is that he had to comply with the orders of Himawari-sama."

"Yep," Himawari chirped, feeling safe enough in Naruto's arms to be unbothered by Sasuke's strange eyes. "I asked Santa, I said I did."

"Wait… Hima-chan, you haven't been in Daddy's office, have you?" Naruto suddenly paled. That pale color of skin became decorated with many beads of sweat after his daughter happily nodded. "Oh damn… that probably explains Hiashi and Tenten as well…"

"Kakashi-sensei was here too," Sakura added, wondering if that had been connected as well. "Someone replaced his stupid orange books with something that was apparently even worse."

"Pareidolia?"

"No."

"Apophenia?"

"What are you talking about?" Sakura frowned. "Anyway, I'd better not repeat what sensei said. Not in front of the kids."

"Hinata-chan, you've have seen what Hima-chan has drawn in her letter to Santa, haven't you?" Naruto nearly begged. "It wasn't too bad, was it?"

"Sai-sensei taught me," Himawari huffed. "Of course my drawings are good." Normally, the pouting little girl would have melted Naruto's heart, but this situation was anything but normal. This situation was a potential disaster!

"Well, now that you mention it," Hinata frowned. "I thought it was peculiar when I saw Boruto-kun. And now that I think about it, Hima-chan also made a drawing of father, while she drew the house behind him with a pink pencil."

"And funny Bun-lady with cookies and candy canes," Himawari added, still not managing to remember Tenten's name. She always got distracted by the woman's choice of coiffure. "But Santa hasn't brought snow yet…"

"She drew a painting of us having a snowball fight," Hinata clarified when she saw the confused looks. "Naruto-kun, how is it possible that her drawings have had such an effect?"

"Erm… I might have been in the possession of several experimental fuinjutsu designs, of which one sorta puts the reader under a genjutsu that compels them to obey every command, and not locked the door of my office properly?" he stammered in a rush. "S-shouldn't you be more concerned about the fact that we've just proven that Santa is real, Honey?"

"Dahaaad," Boruto sighed, seeing his father making the classical mistake of trying to distract Hinata- and in such an obvious manner, on top of it. The boy knew his father was digging his own grave.

"What more did you draw, Hima-chan?" Naruto feared the answer, knowing that Himawari took Christmas a little too seriously.

"Happy Snake-lady!"

* * *

Hangovers were hellish. ' _Why does something that tastes so good make you feel so horrible the day after?_ ' It was one of the most unfair things in life. Groaning in annoyance- ' _why did the morning sun have to be so darn bright_ '- she stumbled down. She knew what she needed to quiet her unruly stomach.

More sake.

With lidded eyes, trying to shut out the brightness that even her curtains could not keep out, she trudged to the kitchen, opened the fridge, and grabbed a bottle. Wrong bottle. ' _Even a single sip of milk is gross when having a hangover.'_ She spat it out and grabbed another bottle- the right one this time. Considering how Anko's fridge offered only two options with regard to liquids, she had a 50% chance anyway, so the first time had merely been bad luck.

Yawning, Anko suddenly came to a halt. ' _What… did I just see?'_

Her alcohol-addled brains finally processed the sight which had been in front of her when she had stumbled down the stairs and entered the living room. Considering the hangover, the two-minute delay in processing information wasn't too bad- not after the quantity of alcohol which Anko had consumed last night.

She blinked and returned to the living room. She looked, and yes, it was still there. She pinched herself, and it was still there. She glared at her sake bottle with more than a little suspicion, yet it still did not change anything.

"Either I'm _really_ drunk, or I'm having the best dream of my life," Anko muttered.

Stepping forward, she poked the person who had been tied up and was currently hanging helplessly in her living room. Including the gag, the captive could neither move nor make even a squeak of noise. She poked again, but the person remained solid, although he stared back with eyes filled with a mixture of hatred and desperation- the latter she had never ever seen in his eyes before.

"You really can't escape from those binds, can you?" Anko's grin made her prisoner sweat bullets. "Oh, this is going to be the best Christmas EVER!" she cheered. Her captive tried to struggle against the binds, but the only thing he achieved was that the binds tightened. "I would have said 'don't move a muscle', but I don't think you can do that anyway," Anko chirped. "So, 'hang tight' while I fetch my torture equipment!"

At that moment, the prisoner really, really vowed to take revenge on Santa Claus.

Anko, however, whistled a happy tune- her hangover completely forgotten- as she walked to her wardrobe. Normal people wouldn't store instruments of torture next to their panties and bras, but Anko wasn't exactly a normal person. Looking outside, she frowned a little.

"Huh, and I thought it was annoyingly bright outside," she huffed. "And now it's snowing all of a sudden? Oh well, who cares. I wonder… should I pull out his nails, or should I start with something else?"

She began to laugh uncontrollably when she got an even better idea. She changed into a different set of clothing, and pranced back to her living room. Where the poor man, tied and gagged, was now shedding tears at the sight of his former student.

"Yes, strap-on it is!" Mitarashi Anko crackled evilly. "I had to wait a long time until I could make you pay, _Orochimaru_ - _sensei_ , but today marks the last day that you have been able to sit on a chair comfortably!"

* * *

"Have you ever seen it snow before?"

"Of course I have," the frowned reply came.

"Hm, I cannot remember if it ever snowed before," Sabaku no Gaara, the Godaime Kazekage of Sunagakure, would have frowned if he had been in the possession of eyebrows.

"We've seen it in Konoha, last year," Kankuro wondered what had gotten into his brother. Was Gaara attempting to make a joke? "And remember that trip to Tetsu no Kuni? Ice, rock, and snow as far as the eye reached."

"I am aware," Gaara stood up from behind his desk and gazed outside the window of his office. "But I have never seen it snow in Suna."

Kankuro swore that the face paint fell from his face, that's how shocked he was when it turned out that his little brother wasn't joking around.

* * *

"Snowball fight!" Himawari cheered, wriggling herself out of her stupefied father's grip and running to fetch her boots and winter jacket. "Come on, slowpokes," she pouted, when none of the others had followed her.

Boruto and Sarada exchanged looks before both decided to follow the example set by Himawari.

"Yes, it seems to be an appropriate way to teach your Daddy a lesson," Hinata followed after her son. "Come out and play, Naruto-kun," she added with a far-too-sweet voice. Naruto knew he was doomed. And indeed, he was butchered during the snowball fight, standing not even a ghost of a chance against the unified front of his family, who were aided by an eager Sarada and Sakura. Especially the latter… with the use of her inhuman strength those snowballs became murder weapons.

Even Sasuke felt a modicum of pity for his old teammate, having kept out of this mess as he had used his one-armed-ness as an excuse, at least, until Naruto accidentally bumped into Boruto and an all too familiar scene seemed to replay itself. Sasuke had never forgotten about the trauma of his first kiss, and that rage only increased tenfold when he saw the whole scenario being repeated between Boruto and his daughter. Worse, even, was the fact that Sarada turned into a blushing and incoherently babbling mess after Boruto had accidentally kissed her.

Susano'o wasn't meant for this, but the enormous chakra-shaped hands were oddly well-suited for grabbing and throwing. If not for Naruto tapping into Kurama's reserves, the resulting snowball fight could have leveled the entire village.

The two mothers watched in exasperation as their husbands began the greatest snowball duel in the history of mankind. Boruto and Sarada both looked in any direction except at each other, both blushing furiously. Himawari, standing in between the two highly- embarrassed children, was having the time of her life.

Best. Christmas. Ever.

There were only two things missing. The first she quickly spotted, as it had finally managed to break out of the wrapping paper in which it had been trapped, and now tried to rush at her father and demand explanations. Himawari wouldn't let him, though. She grabbed Kurama and started to pet him. After all, she had asked Santa for a cat-size Kyuubi, shrunken down so that he would be easier for her to pet; much to the horror of the Nine-Tailed Demon Fox, this actually happened…

For an entire day, the mightiest and most fearsome of the bijuu was reduced to the humiliating state of being a pet for an over-enthusiastic four year-old girl.

"Oh dear…" Drawn out of her stupor, Uzumaki Hinata remembered the final drawing which her daughter had added to the letter to Santa. "Don't tell me…"

Screams of panic began to resound throughout the village. The scattered Anbu, all dispatched with orders to retrieve their Hokage's stolen collection of porn, had to regroup quickly. Sasuke and Naruto had to interrupt the snowball fight of the century to aid them- their duel ending in yet another draw.

A stampede of pandas had broken into Konohagakure no Sato.

It wouldn't just be Orochimaru who would remember this year's Christmas for the rest of his life. In fact, for his untidiness and carelessness with kinjutsu, Santa's elves made sure that Uzumaki Naruto would get his portion of coal each year during Christmas. Kakashi made sure that all the material from Terasu, an old friend with whom Jiraiya had long cooperated on the field of fuinjutsu, was carefully reviewed and either destroyed or locked away if necessary. It turned out that Terasu was not a friend of Jiraiya's because of his perverted books, contrary to what Hinata had thought.

To Himawari's rejoicing, the invading pandas were all caught and imprisoned in Konoha's first Panda Petting Farm. It was not that Kakashi had wanted to do this, but the seemingly innocent little girl had shown a side of shrewdness which no one had expected. In exchange for directing Yamato to build the petting farm, Kakashi had his Icha Icha collection returned- and everyone lived happily ever after.

Except Orochimaru, of course.

* * *

 **Author's notes:**

* * *

Just a bit of random Christmas-related fluff, inspired by suggestions made by my beta **Illuminated** , with a few less sane ideas of my own added to the mix. Shifty the ninja-hare is inspired by Miffy the rabbit, by the way. Although the version which Kakashi got was a bit… unusual. Let's say that Santa took a look in Kakashi's orange books and decided that this was a good way to make Kakashi pick some less perverted literature in the future. An idle hope.

We wish you all a merry Christmas and a happy and healthy 2017!

* * *

 **-Ziltoid-**


End file.
